You know when you repeatedly encounter a phrase or sentiment, and by like, the third time you’re thinking — hmmm, maybe there’s something to this? Or perhaps the incidents seem completely unrelated, but you see a common thread running through them? I’ve had that recently around the idea of house perfection.
The first time was last week when a friend popped by and my house was a mess. I apologized but she quickly responded, “no, it’s nice. It’s lived in.” The next was experiencing a host who kept clearing dishes before the guests were finished. The third happened last Saturday while wandering around a box store with my husband and daughter. “I really want us to have more ‘real’ plants in our house,” he said. “Well, I love them but I’m terrible at taking care of them,” I replied, “If we decide to do that — it needs to be your responsibility to keep them alive.” He looked at me blankly and said, “I’m already the one who does that.” “Ha! Well then, we‘re making it official,” I concluded. 😉
So how are these connected? No matter how tempting it is to equate coziness with perfection — they aren’t necessarily one and the same. And then there’s us — maybe we need to accept we just can’t do it all perfectly all the time. Stains happen, your favorite mug shatters, the plant shrivels up, someone unexpectedly drops by and you still have yesterday’s mascara under your eyes. Oddly enough, these things don’t destroy coziness. In fact, they may just help cultivate it.
I used to be a hardcore everything-in-it’s-place-and-matchy-matchy kind of girl. Until a family of 5 moved in with us for 3 months. By the end, I couldn’t remember which throw pillows went where or when I last dusted — but we were closer than ever.
Bottom line, if we’re going to create welcoming spaces for real people — we have to accept stuff’s going to happen, and loosen our grasp on perfection. We may have to face our own house shame, fear of judgment or fear of damage. I still sometimes battle that stuff, but I’ve resolved that who does life within these walls is infinitely more important than what hangs on them.
This is social security of great value, and one of the most important sources of our happiness. In hygge we also find a sincerity and comfort that means that we dare to express ourselves when we disagree. And when we, in a respectful and relaxed way, dare to discuss the bigger questions of life, we get the opportunity to see ourselves and the life we lead with a new perspective, becoming more aware of what makes us happy. At the same time this new perspective opens our eyes to what we are able to change in order to improve our wellbeing… hygge contributes to a general contentedness in the long run.”