Very excited to be featured in this month’s issue of Revue! Thanks to Missy Black for the fun interview and for letting me share a little hygge-love with GR.
We’re all pretty excited around here!
Permission to let go of perfection
You know when you repeatedly encounter a phrase or sentiment, and by like, the third time you’re thinking — hmmm, maybe there’s something to this? Or perhaps the incidents seem completely unrelated, but you see a common thread running through them? I’ve had that recently around the idea of house perfection.
The first time was last week when a friend popped by and my house was a mess. I apologized but she quickly responded, “no, it’s nice. It’s lived in.” The next was experiencing a host who kept clearing dishes before the guests were finished. The third happened last Saturday while wandering around a box store with my husband and daughter. “I really want us to have more ‘real’ plants in our house,” he said. “Well, I love them but I’m terrible at taking care of them,” I replied, “If we decide to do that — it needs to be your responsibility to keep them alive.” He looked at me blankly and said, “I’m already the one who does that.” “Ha! Well then, we‘re making it official,” I concluded. 😉
So how are these connected? No matter how tempting it is to equate coziness with perfection — they aren’t necessarily one and the same. And then there’s us — maybe we need to accept we just can’t do it all perfectly all the time. Stains happen, your favorite mug shatters, the plant shrivels up, someone unexpectedly drops by and you still have yesterday’s mascara under your eyes. Oddly enough, these things don’t destroy coziness. In fact, they may just help cultivate it.
I used to be a hardcore everything-in-it’s-place-and-matchy-matchy kind of girl. Until a family of 5 moved in with us for 3 months. By the end, I couldn’t remember which throw pillows went where or when I last dusted — but we were closer than ever.
Bottom line, if we’re going to create welcoming spaces for real people — we have to accept stuff’s going to happen, and loosen our grasp on perfection. We may have to face our own house shame, fear of judgment or fear of damage. I still sometimes battle that stuff, but I’ve resolved that who does life within these walls is infinitely more important than what hangs on them.
Unexpected Whimsy – Part 1
Someone recently asked me, “Why is there a fox in there?” After I thought a second, the only reasonable reply was, “because I like him.” And that, my friends is a huge key to feeling cozy in your own space. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ALL for minimalism. Decluttering our homes and heads frees us up in all sorts of ways. But, if you happen upon a little something – maybe even (GASP) something you don’t totally need – that brings you an unexplainable tinge of joy? Make it yours. Give it real estate in your day-to-day life. You’ll glimpse it out of the corner of your eye shuffling from here to there and smile to yourself. That’s worth it!
Which leads me to this week’s feature I’m calling “unexpected whimsy.” Anyone can walk into a furniture store and buy a beautiful dining set or tear a page from the Pottery Barn catalog and try to replicate it at home. But what about adding a little fun? What about a hidden element that means something sweet to you and maybe makes very little sense to someone else? That’s the whimsy only you can add, and it just might make your house feel like a home. This week I’ll be sharing a few of mine. What little treasures give you unexplainable happiness?
Here-ness. Dearness.
You know when a word or phrase keeps bouncing around in your head? This week mine has been, “Nearness, dearness, here-ness.” According to Professor Christian Bjørnskov, “It is through hygge that we find and build really strong relationships with other people. There is an effortlessness in hygge, which means that we can be together as friends and family without having any plans besides relaxing and enjoying a good time together. We dare to be who we are in each other’s company, and this affirms that we have stable relationships in our lives, meaning we will never stand alone. 
This is social security of great value, and one of the most important sources of our happiness. In hygge we also find a sincerity and comfort that means that we dare to express ourselves when we disagree. And when we, in a respectful and relaxed way, dare to discuss the bigger questions of life, we get the opportunity to see ourselves and the life we lead with a new perspective, becoming more aware of what makes us happy. At the same time this new perspective opens our eyes to what we are able to change in order to improve our wellbeing… hygge contributes to a general contentedness in the long run.”
Thus, here-ness. No agendas. No distractions. Valuing ourselves and each other enough to have real talk. The invitation to sit down at the table, stay awhile and forget time together.
Craft the perfect vignette
Composition is important to design and creating coziness. I like vignettes that mix elements and textures to create a well-rounded and approachable look. For instance, in this cozy little corner alone are metal, wood, glass, greenery, paper stock and ceramic finishes.
Bump that up against a window full of light and a couch you could just sink your buns into, and you’ve got a recipe for the good stuff. Neutral, natural, vintage AND modern.
Simple ways to hygge
One way I like to cozy up a room is by adding an element or two that FEEL excessive but really aren’t:
– A faux fur throw (you bought at Big Lots. Our secret.)
– Salted Kerry Gold over everyday real butter and definitely over margarine. *shudder* (You can buy the Gold at Trader Joe’s these days! And they sell their own grass-fed version there now too.)
– A stack of 3-4 books on your coffee table instead of one huge one
– Lighting a candle or two in the middle of the day instead of only on “special occasions.” An impromptu coffee drop-in from a friend is special. YOU at home on a Saturday, unshowered and wearing yoga pants — special! (Speaking of candles, I love cinnamon or fir scented at Christmas and Volcano from Anthropologie the rest of the year, but you can even use a taper if you want to feel extra swag!) These “splurges” cost very little and make a big impact. I promise, you won’t regret buying these tiny luxuries for a second.
What is a Coziness Consultant? So glad you asked.
I’m often asked “So what does a Coziness Consultant do?” The answer? A little bit of everything. I’m not an interior designer, although I design interiors. I’m not a professional organizer, although I regularly help people reorder their spaces to make them more practical, intuitive and family-friendly. Here’s the bottom line…
A few years ago my husband and I took a good, long look at what we wanted our lives to be about. We wrote down our personal values and began asking questions about how they translated into our everyday life. We wanted our home to be inviting; a soft place to land. We wanted to host dinner parties and create art and facilitate connection and vulnerability. We wanted to simplify our everyday living so we could focus on what was most important to us. But in order to make this a reality, we were going to have to fix a few things. It started with incremental changes that have piled up into something beautiful, worth while, and flawed in the sweetest ways. Today, anything I buy is intentional… so that every detail exists to create the cozy, personal, welcoming space reflective of the people we really are.
In full disclosure, I’m a freelance copywriter by day. Consulting on coziness is a passion turned position… and I couldn’t be more grateful. So now, what do you need? A mudroom that’s less cluttered and more efficient? A warmer living room? An all-out home renovation? I’m just the sort of friend to help you give these plans some life.