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Showing up with love

Family

A few years ago we decided to simplify the month leading up to Christmas so we had more space to enjoy it. For instance, we bought a fake tree that could be decorated right before Thanksgiving and stay up longer. We also decided to stop sending Christmas cards and do valentines instead. This not only knocked one obligatory holiday task completely off the list — it has turned into a really meaningful tradition. I mean, everyone expects to receive at least one Christmas card in the mail — but that can’t always be said for the day we honor romantic love. It feels really good to extend our love out into the world this way — saying “I love you” to those we love most, and brightening the mailbox of someone who may be extra lonely today.

Every year now my husband draws a simple card design and I choose a love quote that feels timely and relevant. Then we write a handwritten note and seal it with a kiss. This year’s design may be my favorite yet since it features the newest Valentine on the block — our Winslow Rose — and the cozy place we call home. Plus how sweet is this quote? “Love planted a rose and the world turned sweet.” All the heart eyes.

Much love from our cozy home to yours.

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Never underestimate the power of an open home

House key vignette

Over anniversary dinner each November, Kyle and I reflect on all that’s transpired since we shared that meal a year before — the highs, lows, growth and change. We talk about the early days of our relationship and marvel at the way it feels so much less green-on-the-vine and at the same time, still fresh and new. The conversation always weaves around to the people we do life with too… new friendships that have sprung up, and others that have transitioned or changed — either to shallower depths or unexpected closeness.

A few months ago, I received a text from an old friend going through a hard breakup. We worked together about 8 years ago at a coffee shop — me in my late 20s trying to make a professional leap, her still in high school. For the years since, we’d really only seen each other a handful of times, checking in on Facebook or the occasional spontaneous drop-in. But today, she needed a place to stay until she could get her feet back under her… and she’d thought of us. Without hesitation Kyle and I readied the guest room.

While “M” ended up staying just 2 weeks, what has happened since has impacted us for life. During her time with us, she transitioned through her grief and on to asking some hard questions about who she really is and what she wants out of life — then bravely showed up to find the answers. She lined up a temporary living situation with a friend in town and went about creating a plan to put her culinary training to real use. She met with her therapist, read piles of books, popped by weekly for babysitting, wine or dinner, and did loads of introspective work. Today she’s moving to NYC to pursue a career in pastry. I couldn’t possibly feel more proud — or bittersweet — about the whole thing. We got a front row seat to her entire transformation — recovering parts of herself she’d sacrificed for the sake of the relationship and ultimately unfurling like a rose. My excitement for her future is palpable.  It’s all been such a gift to witness.

You see, when you create a cozy, safe place for people to land… they’re going to accidentally become family. The line between friendship and kinship will likely become so blurred, so decidedly flimsy you won’t even be able to name all the ways your hearts have grown connected. Never underestimate the power of a warm bed and an open heart.

I can’t say I loved seeing our house key returned to us last night, but I’ll always treasure the unexpected closeness we got from a few dear months intimately connected with M. I guess good old goldie will just have to wait here for the next person passing through.

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Permission to let go of perfection

succulent

You know when you repeatedly encounter a phrase or sentiment, and by like, the third time you’re thinking — hmmm, maybe there’s something to this? Or perhaps the incidents seem completely unrelated, but you see a common thread running through them? I’ve had that recently around the idea of house perfection.

The first time was last week when a friend popped by and my house was a mess. I apologized but she quickly responded, “no, it’s nice. It’s lived in.” The next was experiencing a host who kept clearing dishes before the guests were finished. The third happened last Saturday while wandering around a box store with my husband and daughter. “I really want us to have more ‘real’ plants in our house,” he said. “Well, I love them but I’m terrible at taking care of them,” I replied, “If we decide to do that — it needs to be your responsibility to keep them alive.” He looked at me blankly and said, “I’m already the one who does that.” “Ha! Well then, we‘re making it official,” I concluded. 😉

So how are these connected? No matter how tempting it is to equate coziness with perfection — they aren’t necessarily one and the same. And then there’s us — maybe we need to accept we just can’t do it all perfectly all the time. Stains happen, your favorite mug shatters, the plant shrivels up, someone unexpectedly drops by and you still have yesterday’s mascara under your eyes. Oddly enough, these things don’t destroy coziness. In fact, they may just help cultivate it.

I used to be a hardcore everything-in-it’s-place-and-matchy-matchy kind of girl. Until a family of 5 moved in with us for 3 months. By the end, I couldn’t remember which throw pillows went where or when I last dusted — but we were closer than ever.

Bottom line, if we’re going to create welcoming spaces for real people — we have to accept stuff’s going to happen, and loosen our grasp on perfection. We may have to face our own house shame, fear of judgment or fear of damage. I still sometimes battle that stuff, but I’ve resolved that who does life within these walls is infinitely more important than what hangs on them.

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Today’s secret word: Home. (Yaasss.)

Today’s secret word is Home. Remember Kids, whenever you hear today’s secret word, do absolutely nothing. 😘

After the holiday chaos and a week of tending to a sick baby, I’m in major recovery mode over here. Chicken Tikka Masala in the crockpot, sunlight streaming through the windows, a good book on the agenda and coffee. Basically a Saturday Staycation. Don’t mind me – just soaking up the cozy magic of home.

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We can do hard things — in 2018.

If there’s one lesson I’ve learned over the past five years – it’s that if you’re going to truly show up to your life – there is going to be a cost. You’ll have to face hard things. It’s going to pinch. I mean, there are basically two kinds of cozy. The good cozy is the stuff of dreams – yummy food, nostalgia, your people, living a life of meaning (while wearing a fluffy robe and woolly socks). Then there’s the not-so-good cozy – the kind that actually looks more like inaction and a lack of healthy challenge. Like a siren song, this type of coziness lulls you into a place of personal comfort that’s easy, but potentially dangerous.


As I look toward a new year, I’ve been meditating on the question, “what do I need?” Not, HOW MUCH do I need, WHAT do I actually need. Time? Greater peace and harmony in my relationships? More healthy challenges that provide greater opportunities for success? What will move me from bad cozy to good, fruitful growth?

I’m willing to enter into that uncomfortable pinch if it leads to a better year, a better me, a richer, more fulfilling life and deeper friendships. Join me?

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Permission to let things go

I was texting with a friend last night about Christmas decorating and she casually mentioned once inheriting a box of tacky (but-not-in-a-charming-way) ornaments which she labeled in permanent marker, “things I keep out of guilt.” While the honesty made me laugh, I haven’t been able to shake the concept. I keep wondering, how many things do we have cluttering up our shelves, attic corners and headspace, simply out of obligation? Of course, I’m not recommending you cause a family rift or dispose of valuable family heirlooms, but I do think the idea is worth exploring – at least internally. There’s a reason why Marie Kondo’s approach to purging has been so widely received – sometimes we just need permission to let things go.

Are there things in your home directly affecting your joy, coziness or peace of mind? What are you holding onto that’s actually working against feeling restful in your own home? What would happen if you considered doing something different? ‘Tis the season for comfort AND joy, after all.

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When should you decorate for Christmas?

When should you decorate for Christmas? If you’re a purist (like I once was), by all means wait until after Thanksgiving! Down with Christmas creep! But, if you think holiday tunes are acceptable at Halloween, you do you and get to decking. I’m of the persuasion that it’s okay to celebrate as early and as long as you want.


My husband and I grew up in the Christmas tree capital of the world and always had real trees in our homes growing up. Our first two married Christmases we had real trees too (and learned the joys of sawing off extra branches when you have no tools to your name yet. The first year he literally had to use this tiny all-purpose tool on his keychain. It was basically like sawing with a finger! HA.) I loved buying ornaments and making our first holidays together – but between buying, wrapping, baking, hosting, work parties, etc. I remember feeling like I barely had time to actually enjoy the season. So I made a values-based decision and sprung for a fake tree. Now that may sound counterintuitive given our background (and it did take some time to warm up to), but I figured – if I can decorate before Thanksgiving, then the second I return home with a belly full of turkey, I can begin Christmasing. That’s one huge task off my list and that much more time for being present. My next goal is to completely finish shopping before turkey day too.

Just think, how much more meaningful could your Advent season be with a few tweaks? Is there something you can simplify, drop or add? What if you pause to light a candle each day this season, take a deep breath and say a quick prayer? I did this small practice a couple of years ago and really grew to value it. Take time for cozy. Being intentional can help you make time for cozy. It’s one of the best gifts you can give yourself.